Corbyn created virus on his allotment to overturn Brexit

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As April begins Sodium Haze can exclusively reveal that the Corona Virus is in fact the Corbyna Virus and was developed by Chinese (and probably Russian) spy Jeremy Corbyn on his allotment in Islington using several jam jars and a selection of radioactive Russian radishes.

This article has been published despite the severe restrictions imposed on the Huawei Manufacturing Platform #7 (formerly the United Kingdom) by the Chinese agents that have done so much to hamper the world leading efforts of the Tory party in dealing with the Corbyna Virus*.

(* germs and conditions in other less sick countries need not apply)  

The plot of the hard left was to distribute the virus using the thuggish antisemitic members of the Labour Party, mostly to annoy Jews who would be forced to stay at home and watch daytime telly.

After forcing the UK into lock down they plotted to overturn the result of Brexit referendum and to make Britain a vassal state of the German province of Baden–Württemberg.

Here are just some of the new rules of Corbyn’s federalist EU /Chinese / Russian loving and terrorist sympathising communist dictatorship:

• Sausages to be called колбаса
• All citizens to wear Russian furry hats and to display those Chinese lucky cats
• Westminster is now Shenzen Square – premium gadgets you buy 100%!!
• Big Ben chime replaced with Tap! Sum! Bong! Bong! – Bong! Bong! Bing! Tak!
• All immigrants from Albania and Beijing to be given ten council houses and a gold watch
• All UK cars to be replaced with Tianma Automobiles.

The £350 million a week heroically liberated by Boris  Johnson from the EU and currently being spent on the NHS to repel the Corbyna Virus is to be redirected to drive through political correctness centres and statues of first lady Diane Abbot.

Famously reliable fathers like the Prime Minister are to be separated from their abandoned children and forced to work on collectivist farms.

Some media outlets like the Daily Mail that have been correctly blaming China for the Corbyna virus are now to blame the Isle of Wight and Paraguay.

New compulsory weekly national lottery to be introduced where all citizens must guess how many testing kits, ventilators and PPE masks the government will promise to deliver by the date of the next lottery. Pick any number you like from 1 to 170 million – all the numbers are rubbish anyway.  Michael Gove is to pick the winner each morning at the  new wellness and mindfulness briefings alongside the ever popular Dr Death and his stats of progress!  

Rest assured readers that our heroic Tory government will never be defeated by Corbyn and his Chinese henchmen. UK to deliver eight billion rifles to every hospital in the UK (probably – numbers may vary  – average pack contents zero) and dump trucks full of money will be driven up the driveways of private healthcare firms.

The Tories will not cower in craven terror at the hideous apparatus of the Chinese State.

They will bumble about holding baffling press conferences at Westminster and not answer a single straight question about anything – take that Xi Jinping! 

They will self isolate in Downing Street.

They shall not walk on the beaches or have any planes in the air.

They will dither, delay, spin the numbers and blame any scapegoat they can find

…and if the glorious British empire should mysteriously return after Brexit (as implied) then spaced out voters will say…

…these were our most vaguely ineffectual hours. 

Since 2013 I have worked between 4-6 hours a day on this Ad-Free site: trying to give a voice to those without the power or agency to speak out for themselves and uncovering truths that well paid journalists in the corporate media dare not utter.

I am a home schooling parent on a low income – paying for the domain, web hosting and security entirely out of my own pocket.  

If you found this article useful and could spare us a few shillings to help keep our lights on, it would be very much appreciated.

Thank you in solidarity with all our readers. John Lynch, Editor.     

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