Is the Tory Dementia Tax a mug of urine too far for British voters?

I wonder what it would take for the older generation of this country to consider voting against swallowing mouthfuls of piss? I can’t imagine a scenario where the overall rump of our nation’s grey voters wouldn’t vote for whatever cash / power grab the Conservatives have in mind this time around.

If you are as puzzled as I am by this, then you must understand – forcing people to swallow urine is part of a historical tradition, a largely moribund national identity of conquest and empire, its small wonder that the obedient classes have internalised and identified with the Great British piss swallowing tradition.

There is a scene in the latest episode of the crime noir saga Fargo which illuminates the choice facing voters in the upcoming UK general election perfectly. The character of VM Vargas represents the financial elite, a shadowy figure insisting that his victims face an “inescapable reality” in which his organisation forces two business partners to ruin their lives on behalf of an unseen mafia. One partner resists and so with two armed thugs in tow, Vargas unzips his trousers, urinates into a mug and forces his victim to gulp down several mouthfuls of piss…”lives…” says Vargas “are changing for the better”.

Sounds just like the logic and campaign slogan of the modern Conservative Party to me. Your real life has been immeasurably impoverished because of us and is about to get even worse…but gulp down this amber foul smelling drink and then repeat after me “Strong and stable leadership”.

The bullying thugs in the Fargo scene are represented by the mainstream press like The Daily Mail / Express / BBC / Sky News & The Guardian – all deployed by the establishment to ensure that establishment piss is swallowed meekly and gratefully.

Despite his foreign sounding name, Vargas is English and his attitude captures an essential part of the post colonial nostalgia that grips the UK,  a nation seemingly desperate to become as looted and degraded as those we used to exploit during the empire days.

You see, we Brits have been forcing Johnny Foreigner to gulp down golden liquid for centuries – ask the inhabitants of any conquered country what being subjects of someone else’s empire means – do you really think it was all about teaching them about cricket and steam engines? No, readers – empire is about stealing others people’s resources and labour at the point of a gun and that is exactly what the Conservative Party is all about too – no wonder sections of the UK populace identify with it, its in our national DNA as a former imperial power. 

Now that we don’t have an empire, the Tory rallying cry is always about forcing some local group or other to swallow their piss – bloody immigrants, the EU, the young, city dwellers, low paid workers, disabled people, sick people, single parents, union members, civil servants…the list goes on and on. Whatever is wrong with British society it is all their fault – the Tories are never held responsible for anything, they are always the victims of some foul plot by food-bank attendees like nurses and erm policemen.

That’s right, in recent times the Tories have been running a bit short of people to blame, things to sell off and pots of money to loot, so previously sacrosanct groups and institutions within British society have become fair game.

Who would have thought that nurses could be described as ‘thugs’ by the tory press, that the NHS could be quietly sold off piece-by-piece, that the army would shrink to a force smaller than that deployed by the French police in the wake of the Paris attacks, that junior doctors would become another enemy and that food banks would be needed to feed our nurses and police officers? Amazing when you think about it but the best is yet to come.

Amazingly the Tories are even coming after the pensioners that routinely put them in power! If there was one group of people you would be confident would be exempted from piss duty you would think it would be their core support – but not a bit of it, the Conservative Party is cock-a-hoop at the moment and feels it can merrily piss on anyone.

So HEY! HELLO! Pensioners of Britain who vote Tory! <waves frantically> – they are coming for YOU this time! It is just possible that you might just need sections of the NHS that they are busily selling off.  That ‘social care crisis’ you keep reading about is the rumbling of trucks coming to steal your house as you get older – yes, your house. That ‘Dementia Tax’ that those pesky metropolitan elite, immigrant hugging lefties are making a fuss about will affect YOU and your children. You can kiss your inheritance goodbye, some guys in the city have some ingenious plans for it, involving ‘insurance’ policies with lots and lots of small print.  

It would have been cheering if the blue rinse pensioners of Britain would rescue the next generation (who overwhelmingly reject piss swallowing and embrace Corbyn’s Labour Party) for reasons other than self interest but alas that seems unlikely… so in the name purely of self preservation and self interest my appeal to the older generation of Britain is this…

…don’t vote for the Tories this time around – stay at home or vote for someone else. ‘Strong and Stable’ leadership that steals your free healthcare, your library, your savings, your bus into town, your care workers and your house isn’t worth having. Why not embrace the idea of voting for a party that will not do any of those things like The Labour Party?

Mr Corbyn isn’t so bad, watch him on TV and you might recognise some other traditionally British qualities like compassion, fair play, good humour and tolerance that are way better actually than forcing poorer people to swallow the piss of the ultra-wealthy.

It is an open secret as to why Theresa May is insulated from the public so much by her campaign team. Watch her on TV and you will see a toxic mediocrity, a nasty bit of work whose only function is to carry water for corporate vested interests. 

Thanks to the dogged persistence of Jeremy Corbyn and his supporters, electors have a rare opportunity to exercise an actual democratic choice this time around – let us hope that the smokescreen of Brexit doesn’t prevent people from seeing that.

If the Conservative Party gets to guffaw with glee and laughter after the upcoming election then the only section of British society that will be spared repeated mouthwashes of piss will be the very rich and their enablers.

What is clear from the vague menace of the Tory manifesto this time around is that nobody – not even the comfortably propertied of middle England should be complacent about what five years of Theresa May will mean.

In five years time there will be no NHS left to rescue and the Tories will make a bonfire of every scrap of legislation that protects the environment, public services, the welfare state and all the money will flee the country into off-shore tax havens.

At least this time around people cannot say that they have no choice – we do – and people cannot say they haven’t been warned, even the Tories have made it perfectly clear what is about to happen even to the previously untouchable protected house owning pensioner class.

On chance, one vote – vote for a change, or prepare for repeated mouthfuls of the usual liquid…

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